Saturday, March 20, 2010


It seems so elusive to me, having a baby. One to call my very own. I am obsessed.....I think about it constantly. It hovers over me, these thoughts and desires and they let go of me. I want a child, very desperately. I know that most people would say that the best way to raise a child is in a two parent household. But single mothers do it all of the why can't I? As a single father. I want to care and treat a little baby so special and precious the way that it should be treated. I would love to have a baby girl, they are so adorable. Except when they hit the years when they start to borrow all of your stuff and then you can't find a thing....and boys?! Let me find a boy even shaking HANDS with my daughter and look out man, forget about it, it's on!! I am of the age where parenting seems like an insurmountable challenge, yet also seems to hold within itself a lifelong reward of achievement and accomplishment. of Having had the privilege to shape and mold a child as a blank slate to be bold, bright, beautiful intelligent, brave and unchallengeable as an adult ready to take on the world....that may turn out to be living off of you for the rest of your life. But as much as I want to marry Mrs right, not Mrs right now....and have my own biological child, it's becoming clearer to me that it's about mercy, not sacrifice. That's what God himself cares about. The choice of a potential single father, let's see, should I be merciful and take in an orphaned or unwanted baby that no one wants and give it all the love that I can give my baby, as it will, become mine? or Go through tons of sacrifice, find the right girl, fertility tests, ovulation calendars, ultrasounds, those stupid breathing baby birth exercise classes that never work and go out the window just like the money you paid for them once your wife's labor starts! The list goes on and on and on and then there can be some unforeseen stuff! I'm absolutely NOT saying it's better to adopt as a single parent, but sometimes there are factors and variables that affect your life that you unfortunately have no control over. I do believe that one way or the other The Lord will bless me and let me have my way when he sees that I am ready, but it's not my time yet. It's no consolation, it doesn't stop the yearnings that I have. Every time I see a parent and child I think longingly, that they should be me, I wish that were me, why isn't that me? But I have faith that one day my friends, that it WILL be me. Until then I'm waiting with baited breath. With my luck the child that God blesses me with in whichever way he decides will have their driving days come, and there's just no way I'll deny them because, hey, that's my kid asking Daddy! If it's my daughter, I don't care if some dude gets a pool cue in his eye, she is NOT taking him to the hospital!

No comments:

Post a Comment