it's only love that gets you through....

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

If you are about my age then you have the fond grammar school memories, of weekends off from school and getting up RIDICULOUSLY early. Which at that age was about 7a.m. you'd totter off into the kitchen doing your utmost best not to wake anyone up, make the most humongest bowl of your favorite cereal. Then you would skulk back to your room like a little sneak thief, full of excitement because you knew what lay ahead. And that my friends was SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS!!!!!!!!!

Now, I don't know about you, but my favourites were Davey and Goliath, you know the one where the little dog was always like "Day-Veeee". Remember that episode when he wanted to join the "jickets"? Classic. Another of mine was conan and ookla the mok, He had a flaming sword and called it the "sun-sword". And the one that did it for me was plasticman!!!!! He was married to a pretty blond girl, named penny, and he had a baby, "baby plas" and of course that was all beyond our child brain's comprehension because come on, really. Ok, Plasticman, Wife and Baby, we don't need any plus or equal signs here but at age 7, it's like DUHHH. Then they came up with my all time favorite of all of them ...HONG-KONG-FOOEY!!!!! (voice by Scattman Cruthers, for those of you who don't know him he's the black actor in the Shining that Nicholson chopped in the gut as he was running at him, with a fireman.s axe, yow.) But I'm not writing to talk about cartoons although they do play an integral part in what I have to say. Let's not forget the Smurfs! The Smurfs are the forefathers of Anime. Anyway. As time has progressed, as we have aged and sadly as some of our close ones have died. What has been happening to us? The protests have stopped, the rallies have stopped. I mean over BIG things, like the amazing vanishing of all affordable housing in the 5 boroughs. THAT'S A BIG DEAL!! And all over the city, the people you talk to are not from here! Sad to say that they're taking up most of the housing old and new. New York born and bred's that stay are a dying breed. And I'm prouder that proud to be one of the mighty few. I remember a time when I was growing up when the people, the working class, the men, the, women, the heart and soul of this city would go to battle and I mean it was a struggle, every free moment that they had and rally or protest or petition to LET THEIR VOICE BE HEARD! And THAT was the norm and city government used to listen. But City Council got hip to that and just kept speeding things up from proposals from this or that person, then to council deliberation then council vote and then THAT became the norm and it's what's in place today. That's why you see all of the protesters at City Council/MTA meetings,if they are allowed in for that particular meeting. Because that's the only place to go now to even attempt to be heard. But it's already too late, from the time those chamber doors open, council has been seated and the first protester opens his mouth. The decisions on the agenda up for vote have already been made, at their very first meeting And teachers!!?? WHAT!!?? So many changes in city government has happened in the inner circles and the meetings that are held behind closed doors that now,? I've never seen teachers so disrespected by city government in my whole life. There was a time when being a teacher was something to be proud of. Now if you want to be a teacher you have to go through Army boot camp, complete NASA's astronaut training program, get a degree in binary coded perpendiculated nuclear physics. And THEN to reward all of your hard work, your ass, guaranteed, as a starting new teacher in this city will wind up in one, of the many, most broken down schools in the system of the Board of Education. When I was in school my teachers were like second parents. I learned so much between the lines that the sum of the substance is immearsureable. Teachers are to be honored, respected and appreciated because they shape the minds of our future for 6&1/2 to 7 hours a day for a full work week and the children that work hard are to be held high, it's the right thing to do.

And on a side note to how much our world and its workings have changed...It amazes me how many things people consider "advances in technology". What was so wrong with things before manufacturers and corporations began to read our minds to magically find out what we want? I don't mean jumps and leaps in medical tech, or in computer tech, effective recycling, and even or I should say ESPECIALLY how we have benefited so much from harvesting energy and power from water flow, wind power, soler panel innovation. All excellent. All amazing ways to help build and save and join together to build unity and peace. I'm talking about things that were just as good as the other stuff we had, but has been revamped by the company to be re marketed and sold, to us as we are seen in their eyes, cash cows. There are many many things that we have now that are unnecessary. The next time you turn on your satellite t.v. and can't find what YOU want to watch, out of all those channels take a second and ask yourself, "is this better?".

ATHENA

Athena and I have known each other for twenty four years..... She is a wondrous creation of the Sovereign Lord. Athena is always has always and I believe will always put the considerations of others, before herself. In every way, shape and form. At one time during her earlier years, she came across a mother and her toddler daughter in our congregation who had lost their home. And needed a place to live, Indefinitely if necessary. Athena took them both to her home, gave the two her own bedroom for as long as they wanted to stay, no rent, nothing expected in return. And she stayed on the couch in her living room.

She during recent times has, as she has always during my hard times and I mean every single time, been right there by my side. I have had three major operations in the last year and a half. And she was the only one there for me. Sure I had members of my Church to help me with food when I was recuperating at home, (and here I have to give a shout to Desmond Archer) but she? She went to the hospital with me, every time. She stood by me as they prepped me pre-op and then wheeled me in to surgery, every time. She waited and waited for me to come out of surgery, every time. One operation took seven and a half hours. And at the end of it, she was right there with her love for me and arms open to comfort as she had always done, every time. She was at my home the evening of my first surgery. I had fallen over against the bed on my left side and fallen asleep, and my left leg positioning come to find out later. Had caused a bulging disc at L4-L5 to fully herniate and crush my sciatic nerve and when I woke up after hours of being this way I began to vomit and I was able to call out to Athena for help and she turned on the light and I was vomiting up blood and phlegm, tons of it. And don't you know she cleaned up everything that very moment, "are you alright", and "don't worry" was all she kept saying and calling on the name of the Lord....she even got all of the blood that had soaked into my pajamas out, by washing them in cold water, by hand, that same night.

My leg was fully paralyzed over the course of about two or three days, she became my human crutch and then she had to leave me and my mother came over for two days. During that time I couldn't get to the hospital because of the pain of the other operation and Athena, helped me with everything I could have possibly ever asked for. I eventually ended up on the operating table again to fix the paralysis and the disc, that happened six months subsequent to the accident.

There was a time this last summer when I, for some unexplained reason became fully paralyzed in my right hand, and I am right handed. I immediately called Athena and she said that she was on the way. I went to the doctor and I couldn't fill out the form they gave me, you know on that clipboard thing and the receptionist was so nice she filled it out for me. All I had to do is sign it. I thought that was really nice, but necessary considering my current situation. I went right in to see the doctor and I had been terrified. Praying from the moment I woke up and had thought I slept on my arm the wrong way. The doctor examined me and sent me to the hospital where I had my cervical spinal surgery, to see my neurosurgeon. He thought that the problem was stemming from a complication from that operation. The butterflies in my stomach flew into a frenzy.....Athena met me at the hospital and comforted me in her usual and much welcomed fashion. And I went in for a cervical MRI that was inconclusive. Athena whisked away each worry with a joke, each wrinkle in my forehead with a gentle touch, each word of doubt with words or encouragement and deep wisdom of a wise and devoted woman, to have faith in the Lord, to trust him. That I had been through far worse in my life and that everything would be just fine. And she was right. Over the next two weeks, my hand was back to normal and it was as if it hadn't happened at all. Athena...so wise, so practical, so spontanious, so full of joy and love.

I had an emergency situation arise when I was staying at one of the men from my church's living room. I just got my disability award and I was outtta there!!!! Don't you know that Athena found me my current place to live. It's perfect, it's three blocks from an awesome train, the neighborhood is beautiful, I have about eight to ten busses to take me wherever I want to go, the people are cordial, even the babies wave hello!!!. The shop owners are glad to have you, and I've become friends with quite a few in only a matter of months. There are TONS of mom and pop stores of all types and varieties, it's quiet after an early hour, my neighbors are cool, and much much more all because of Athena.

She has been my ear to listen to me, Athena has been my hug when I have needed that warm and loving embrace from that more than special someone who just KNOWS me. Knows me inside and out. More than anyone else, on this planet, even my own mother. Speaking of mothers. When I was recently faced with homelessness, I was preparing to enter a men's homeless shelter. I was trying everything. Her mother upon hearing this told Athena that there was no way she would let that happen and if I could not find a place to live. I was more than welcome under their roof to live, as family. My own mother, after I told her about what was going on in my life at the moment and that I was losing my apartment and needed somewhere to go after my surgeries had left me broke and I still needed recovery time and this that and the other thing, said, no, I couldn't live with her. I was devastated. Athena was there. But I found a basement room to stay in, at the home of one of the men in my church. She is a wonderful and caring mother to a beautiful little girl and they adore each other. They play and do all little girl and mommy stuff. I usually stay out of that cause I'm a dude and when I spend time with Athena's daughter we kind of do girly stuff, but I'm a dude, so it's girly-dude stuff. Athena has a wonderful and creative artistic side with fire and passion right there with it. Just give her some wire and her ball peen hammer and leave the room! She makes beautiful jewelry and has just begun her jewelry making career. Already she's making a name for herself and I am so proud of her! I am a blessed man to have her in my life, at times she is the only thing that will do. Just give me Athena, and that's the end of it.

As a man, in love, I am mesmerized and astonished by her constant and consistent radiance of internal as well as external beauty.

Not a man who has ever, or that will ever walk this earth will take her love from me, for I am her heart she has told me this many a time, and I know this to be true with all certainty...It is a love, our love, that is beyond the conventional but soars high into the etheral planes of the spiritual and beyond. To gaze into her dark lipid pools is an experience that I am blessed to have. Athena is love encapsulated into the form of a woman and I see her as a blessing, a gift to me from the Sovereign Lord.

TIMBERRR!!!

Ok, so I did my several mile walk for the day and came home,but before that I went to pick up my laundry at Tina's Launderette stopped home. Got my flower pot that I had taken out of storage the day before because I had been wanting a house plant for the longest time. I kid you not, the last house plant that I had. I named him "Humboldt" after the squid species, you know the one that lives really deep below the ocean and in my basement room in flatbush Brooklyn in my friends home where I was living in like a 5x10 foot room ( I''m 6'4" and 250lb so it was a bit of a challenge) this huge rat that lived in the basement with me dug it up!!! ( There was no door in the room so you could only imagine)I was furious! I was really attached to that plant. The pot is beautiful though. It's a deep deep blue black glazed pot, with the joined water run off tray. Anyway I vowed that one day I would have the perfect plant and today, I got her. She doesn't need much sun, just daylight and she's small and semi full, beautiful and colorful. she was only five dollars potted for me and all and I've named her Pearl. I immediately as an afterthought had the song by Paula Cole come to mind but it was just that, only an afterthought to the naming. I adore her, she brings such a lovely touch to my home and she's right on top of the mini fridge next to the window. So she won't get but just the right amount of light because of the way I keep my blinds. So I had organized everything just perfectly and NOW off to the shower! So I'm in there doing my thing , scrubbing up and whatnot. Then I start to hear the construction guys upstairs who are renovating the apartment above me. Smashing into the wall and debris falling into the drop ceiling, so I'm thinking. Let me get out of here, QUICK! So I rinsed off got out and began to dry off. And out of curiosity touched the already bloated and overladen ceiling, ( JUST GET OUT! GET OUT!) starting my way out of the door and then it all came crashing down on top of me. TIMBERRRR!!!!! You name it, wood, a TON of dirt, ceiling chunks, nails, I cannot even begin to tell you how absolutely shocked I was. But you know what's funny, my first thought wasn't, "My God am I hurt?" It was, "Man I just took a shower and now look at me!!!" I was a freshly pulled turnip from the bowels of the earth. I think that's all the excitement that I can take for one day, let alone one shower!!!! If I had only taken less time brushing my teeth......

YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

Upon waking this morning, and what a beautiful morning it was! I got out of bed and realised with a gasp of horror that my right knee. Which was aching in sharp pain since the day before yesterday, had not gotten better! Well yeah it didn't help that I went for a SMALL walk when I got back home from church yesterday, but I just felt so pumped I had to get out there! So today that was it! No more Mr. Limp. But the funny thing about the situation was that I took an FRS energy drink with me (Livestrong!!!) yeah I know, you think I'm nuts, well i am nuts but that's besides the point. Anyway I drank that and took another along because, with all of my hoopla and dippity doo, I just didn't want to go for a walk the minute I stepped out of my house.....go figure. Anyway I got going and sat on some steps after about 20 minutes of walking, chugged the one that I'd brought and chugged it at the beginning of the monster and I was ready. The monster is a hill about three quarters of a mile in one direction so in the beginning on the walk down we go then once it goes flat I go all the way to this old firebox and slap it as if to say "ha! I've made it! (down that is) then I go back up. I couldn't go at my usual clip and I took a break or two and rewarded myself with a dunkin donuts iced latte when I got to the top. I say this every morning when I'm on the monster " I've gotta get the monster!" "I can do it, I can beat the monster!". But today was a day when those words rang out like the Liberty Bell sounding out for the first time. I was determined not to let the monster punk me! It was not going to happen and let me tell you the pain was intense, but the endurance of that momentary pain gave me a victory that I will never forget. I can't forget, my knee is reminding me right now.....

DEEP CALLS TO DEEP

I watch the waves and breakers as they fold into themselves

and then crash uncontrollably atop one another...

It comes into one's mind that they may be trying to escape.

from something on a deeper level.....

than just what can be seen.

Trying to escape from something....of immense power.

Yes

Or someone of immeasurable magnitude.

Yes

A search of the tangible...a sea animal? A storm?

A search of my tangible...The Sovereign Lord...

His Word says that He is omnipotent, it also says that He...

has journeyed to the gates of hell.....He is it's creator

His word says that He has journeyed to the places of the storehouses...

of the ice and hail that he uses for times of war and battle, He,

is their creator..........

His word says many wonderful and captivating things about Him.

That He roams the deepest depths of the sea floor....

He walks them powerfully

In their massive pitch black barren and

bold beauty.

His Holy Word, The Bible, His authorized Autobiography

says in three simple words " God is Love"

Deep calls to Deep, the oceans call

around the world to one another in unison as He walks beneath them as a

mighty force that is all together real, to say

"The Lord is Here"

Deep calls to Deep

BABY

It seems so elusive to me, having a baby. One to call my very own. I am obsessed.....I think about it constantly. It hovers over me, these thoughts and desires and they refuse....to let go of me. I want a child, very desperately. I know that most people would say that the best way to raise a child is in a two parent household. But single mothers do it all of the time...so why can't I? As a single father. I want to care and treat a little baby so special and precious the way that it should be treated. I would love to have a baby girl, they are so adorable. Except when they hit the years when they start to borrow all of your stuff and then you can't find a thing....and boys?! Let me find a boy even shaking HANDS with my daughter and look out man, forget about it, it's on!! I am of the age where parenting seems like an insurmountable challenge, yet also seems to hold within itself a lifelong reward of achievement and accomplishment. of Having had the privilege to shape and mold a child as a blank slate to be bold, bright, beautiful intelligent, brave and unchallengeable as an adult ready to take on the world....that may turn out to be living off of you for the rest of your life. But as much as I want to marry Mrs right, not Mrs right now....and have my own biological child, it's becoming clearer to me that it's about mercy, not sacrifice. That's what God himself cares about. The choice of a potential single father, let's see, should I be merciful and take in an orphaned or unwanted baby that no one wants and give it all the love that I can give my baby, as it will, become mine? or Go through tons of sacrifice, find the right girl, fertility tests, ovulation calendars, ultrasounds, those stupid breathing baby birth exercise classes that never work and go out the window just like the money you paid for them once your wife's labor starts! The list goes on and on and on and then there can be some unforeseen stuff! I'm absolutely NOT saying it's better to adopt as a single parent, but sometimes there are factors and variables that affect your life that you unfortunately have no control over. I do believe that one way or the other The Lord will bless me and let me have my way when he sees that I am ready, but it's not my time yet. It's no consolation, it doesn't stop the yearnings that I have. Every time I see a parent and child I think longingly, that they should be me, I wish that were me, why isn't that me? But I have faith that one day my friends, that it WILL be me. Until then I'm waiting with baited breath. With my luck the child that God blesses me with in whichever way he decides will have their driving days come, and there's just no way I'll deny them because, hey, that's my kid asking Daddy! If it's my daughter, I don't care if some dude gets a pool cue in his eye, she is NOT taking him to the hospital!

FLOW

You know I had this idea in my head
since yesterday about writing something very impacting to all those who read it, even me. But then today, earlier today I realized that I was forcing it. I wasn't letting it flow. And that's not like me. So I've decided to just let myself flow.On Sunday someone extremely close to me went on a vacation. But not a word, not a peep, not a call not a letter when they reached their destination....miss me? Naw
I'm not looking forward to her return cause something strange is going on. The passages of the Bible have always mesmerised me. Especially the ones in the old testament. I've memorized some of the Bible and have just finished the 65 books of the Bible in order. I just did a verse in Hosea6:6 "For I desire mercy not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings". That passage moves and inspires me. He wants us to be merciful like he is and he would rather us acknowledge him, as if to say, "give him props", by avoiding evil at all costs...than give him burnt offerings. Now, in the old testament a burnt ( lamb, or bull ) offering is what the priest would offer up to God to atone for after you'd sinned. ie; an apology for sinning and asking him to forgive you which is what we do now in our day and age. I could go on and on, like I want to get married to the girl that's perfect for me, and have some kids, and get in better shape, and how I want us both to worship God together etc etc and all of that stuff but I've written enough..... for now......

Take me Away

Take me away to be where you are
I will let myself become another man so that worry will fall at our feet and cause not even a peep

not even a stir....
nothing to get in the way of our fantastic voyage!
I desire you, I desire your spirit to come to me and fall round about me like powdery sweet confectioners sugar on a freshly and perfectly prepared desert

Fit for Royalty

Embrace me my love and let us travel to places unseen.....take me to places that I have never been to
Because I have never been anywhere.
No where but here, here, in the place that I call home. This little island called New York City. It is so fabulous wonderful and captivating that I never wanted to travel outside its mystical borders....but now I do

I am prouder than proud to be one of the chosen few in the world to say that I was born and raised here! This is my city!
My culture! My heritage! it is my heart!,Every beat of that muscle within my chest dominates me and fuels my blood.... these New yorkers are my people!!

But the time for a change has come. I want to go somewhere and say that I've been there wherever "there" happens to be.
So take me and let's go.
Plane.Bus.Ship.Car.Carriage.Skateboard.Bicycle.Horse.On Foot.Pedicab.Cargo Truck.Minivan.

Whatever way you wish. Whenever you wish. However you wish.
I'm game

Let's go

Rich Man Poor Man....I'd rather be Poor

I am more, I am more, I am more

I am more that just a good day or a bad day, I am more that just an empty cup, or a cup of change, Whether that cup be from starbucks or somewhere else....

I am more, I am, As truer than true can be
I am more.

I am more that what I can or cannot do with my body.....I am so much more than this.
I have proven this to many over the years, but they, as you, stop and stare and look and point and gesture and think thoughts and then say things that make me into what I am not.....less.....

But I am not less than you think I am
I am sick of what you think
Who cares what you think
I don't care.........what you think

My love overflows into your life as one who has been touched
But do you care? Ahhh. Stop and think carefully

Before you answer
You say you care
and you do like you care

But that's just it. You care, you don't love
Or do you?

I am more, I am more, I am more
I am more than clean clothes, I am more than having enough food or a hot meal
I am more than a beard, a messy unkempt head of hair......or, a shaved head
I am more than what you want me to be so that I'll be accepted by you and therefore make you happy
But that's the problem with you, you would rather see what you aren't getting

Than what you are getting

I am more

One of my Sundays

Today it was STORMING!!!!! I left my house in Ridgewood Queens this morning to go to Church and dove right into the maelstrom. No umbrella of course because I was wearing my newly waxed Aussie Outback hat (a gift from my friend Ron of about 4 years ago!! Imagine, Just wearing it now.) but it's typical for me. I'll buy or get something and not use it for a looooong time. Fortunately for me the train is only a short walk from me so I was there before you know it. then off to Manhattan! The ride was short because I was going over my flashcards of the books of the Bible. The trains were pretty empty,(always an added plus) and I felt so cooooool in my Indiana Jones hat!! Church was great, the message was really good.

It focused primarily on How we as Christians are a work in progress, not a finished work and we must remember that other wise we fall into trouble. God is continually working on us as Christians...Philippians1:3-6 " I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this THAT HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL CARRY IT ON TO COMPLETION until the day of Christ Jesus... It isn't like OK, you get the word, you get baptised, you get the holy Spirit and that's it, your done! No! The Lord will carry us through our lives as we obey his word as works in progress. We're not finished yet

Had a fantastic time in talking with all of my friends after church. My friend charles. I call him military charles cause he was in operation freedom and he's really young ribbed me and asked me "how many cows did you have to kill for that hat!!??" I immediately responded...."two heffas'!!" to which he replied "Oh it's rump leather anyway" Yuck Charles. Naahh I knew he was kidding.

So in the meantime I'd been watching these two mint lighters on ebay....I won 'em both!! That just capped it off for me. God is full of blessings although he may not be ready to bless you with what your asking him for. He may never. But appeal to His mercy.... Right now I'm very sick, and I've been asking him for healing for years. It's coming slowly..... My Aunt reminded me today that she doesn't know anyone that's had their prayers answered with so many yes's from God in succession. And she's right. I am blessed, with no reson to complain.